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Hummer: Tired of the Stupid Truck? Download the Song! - Riffs and Licks
Hummer: Tired of the Stupid Truck? Download the Song!
Are you sick of these ludicrous vehicles that don't fit in parking places (even on the rare occasions that they're parked competently), can't stay in lane, and waste insane amounts of gasoline? Well, you can console yourself with a renewable resource: an electronic download of my latest song, "Hummer." It's got a near-future SF ending, features the bass harmonica (what better way to evoke a lumbering Hummer?), and ... well, let's just say I'm in no danger of having it licensed for use in a GM commercial.

You can also hear it on the radio, during the Christmas Coup Comedy Player's show on WBAI (99.5 FM) next Wednesday, August 23, 2 p.m. to 3 p.m.

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doodlegoat From: doodlegoat Date: August 18th, 2006 03:04 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm trying to play Dr. Pepper's stupid game to win one of 23 Hummers. If I win it, I'll take it out to a weapons range and hit it with an RPG. Camerapeople wanted.
steelbrassnwood From: steelbrassnwood Date: August 18th, 2006 01:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
Um ... you have a rocket-propelled grenade????
doodlegoat From: doodlegoat Date: August 18th, 2006 08:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh shit, is that what it stands for? I thought you could knock out a tank with a Role-Playing Game.
nyhamsterhouse From: nyhamsterhouse Date: August 18th, 2006 05:32 am (UTC) (Link)
I love this song! I admire your restraint, too... had I written the song there would have been lots more angry curse words. And those are hard to rhyme. Stupid cars.
steelbrassnwood From: steelbrassnwood Date: August 18th, 2006 01:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
Originally, the first two verses went like this:
You've got money to burn and gasoline to waste
You love to supersize, you have very bad taste
You're insecure and you're getting dumber
Time to spend fifty grand on a Hummer

"It's my money," you like to say
But General Motors took your money away
Those monthly payments are a lot you know
For an ugly truck named for fellatio
Not everyone got the fellatio reference and it seemed needlessly offensive. And even though the
opening lines probably understate my contempt for Hummer owners, starting the song on such an incendiary note probably distracts from the ending, which is (I think) the best part of the song.

But thank you, and yes, it's hard to restrain oneself when talking about those stupid cars!
(Deleted comment)
steelbrassnwood From: steelbrassnwood Date: August 19th, 2006 07:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
You're taking a satirical song too personally. Nobody mentioned shoeboxes (I drive a Forester) or asked you to be ashamed of, or apologize for, driving your car, which, it's worth mentioning, weighs 1/3 less than the Hummer, gets significantly better mileage, and has more interior space.
rosiebird From: rosiebird Date: August 18th, 2006 03:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
i played it 3x and laughed each one. ugly cars.
From: narode Date: August 19th, 2006 12:52 am (UTC) (Link)


The jaunty melody works so well to counterbalance the increasingly grim, pointed lyrics. The understatement is far more effective than explicitly angry words. The verses about Iraq are my favorite because Hummer types believe themselves to be archpatriots--after all, why else do they sport magnetic yellow ribbons?
rednoodlealien From: rednoodlealien Date: August 19th, 2006 01:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Our Navigator got us lost
Chose to Escalade despite the cost
The Commander was full of hot air
The Excursion got us nowhere

Naturally, I like the car puns best.
steelbrassnwood From: steelbrassnwood Date: August 19th, 2006 07:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
See, there's a little something for everyone. I thought you'd appreciate the message, in any case, being the only actual owner of a hybrid car in this discussion.
rednoodlealien From: rednoodlealien Date: August 20th, 2006 04:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Of course, but that goes without saying. Now if only they could invent that car that goes without saying...
From: trash80 Date: September 5th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC) (Link)
Nice song! (Sorry for late-ness, haen't scrolled through friends journals in a while.)

You might want to take a look at this:


It's a bit long, has a fair amount foul language too, but it's worth it!
steelbrassnwood From: steelbrassnwood Date: September 5th, 2006 01:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hey, thanks! Is the SUV plague as bad in Australia as it is in the U.S.?

I'll check the video out when I'm not at work.
From: trash80 Date: September 25th, 2006 03:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Woah. Delayed reply. Better late than never.

Well, from what I know, here in Oz a Hummer would be quite a site to see, as they're a rarity. Only upper-class rich no-brainers with small you-know-whats or stuck-up get-rich-quick entreprenuers would be mad enough to spend all the money shipping one over here. Not to mention the frustration of a left-hand drive car in a right-hand drive country. I've never actually seen one around Perth. Plenty of big fat Dodges, Fords, Jeeps and Chevorlet Pickups, but no Hummers. I suppose Melbourne or Sydney might have a few, and it wouldn't suprise me if there'd be one or two of these 'Yank Tanks' suffocating the metro area.

Whenever I see one of those huge pickup trucks driving around, with some big-ass 350 chugging away, loaded with something pathetic like TWO SHOVELS and a TOOLBOX sitting in the tray with enough space left over to land a 747, I'm always left with the same, single-worded query:

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