(Edit: Travis reposted my comment as its own article.)
1. My newspaper has never crashed, gone down, or flashed animated ads at me.
2. Anywhere I travel, my newspaper goes with me. I don't need a laptop or a wireless connection or a PDA.
3. I can read my newspaper while standing, while eating, while riding a bus, but not while driving my car, which is just as well since I should be paying attention to the road.
4. If I read a story I like, I can tear it out and save it, and not have to pay to read it 30 days later.
5. I don't have to sign in or customize or register or remember passwords to read my newspaper.
6. My newspaper has high-resolution picutres and type on large pages that load almost instantly, making it easy to browse and enjoy.
7. My newspaper is cheap, disposable and easy to replace. If it's lost or stolen, it's no big deal.
8. My newspaper is not made of unrecyclable toxic materials.
9. If my newspaper makes a mistake, the correction is posted with an explanation. It's not sneakily applied to the original story after I've read it.
10. I can read my newspaper sitting outside on a nice day in the sun, even if a breeze is blowing, because I know how to fold a newspaper.